I’m re-visiting the 6 week pregnancy information, after having reached this milestone a few days ago. I’m adjusting my tickers and pregnancy newsletters to my new estimated stage – 6 weeks today, according to the ultrasound scan.
I’m trying not to be too attached to the idea of being pregnant. I still have a hard time saying “I’m pregnant” or talking about a theoretical baby. Making plans for the next 8 months or so makes me very uncomfortable… I don’t want to say anything about the pregnancy… because it could also never happen. Why mention something that may never happen?
That makes me feel like I’m betraying this pregnancy, somehow.
I guess I’m trying to protect myself from a potential loss. The outcome for significant bleeds for my age group isn’t great – essentially a 50/50 chance of actually having a “take home” baby (or an “adverse outcome” in doctor speak). I have “Advanced Maternal age” and the AMA communities are just… bleak. There’s so many losses and so much negativity from the medical profession and society that it just seems like a disaster.
The perception is that AMA mothers are doomed to have children with DS – yet it’s actually a less than 1% chance. The reality is that the incidence of congenital issues of any sort in the general population is 3%. There’s a higher chance of hip dysplasia, hypospadius or asthma – and those I’ve already dealt with.
On the really positive side, my GP – who has known me forever – told me “Yeah, you’re 40, but you’re a young 40″. Not concrete science, but I’ll take what I can get. Another comforting thought – both my grandmothers gave birth in or around their 40s – and that was 50 or 60 years ago – and they came out of the experiences unscathed back when medicine was far less advanced than it is now. Genetically it seems women in my family are good at birthin’ babies when we’re practically senile.
Well, you know what I mean.
Currently… my symptoms are continuing – my chest is very sensitive and has dramatically increased in volume and firmness (bonus! pregnancy breasts are better than plastic surgery! must tell all the other senile moms… although I suspect this solution to a sagging bustline may not be that popular). I am starting to experience morning sickness, mostly just moments of queasiness and food sensitivities… I’m viewing this as a positive thing – symptoms of any sort means the pregnancy isn’t completely doomed.
I’m doing everything I can to help this pregnancy along – no more coffee or caffeine or chocolate (sigh), I’m taking prenatal vitamins and extra folic acid, exercising and trying to rest, but… I do have two small children, I am a single mom and I work full-time… so rest is a relative term.
The spotting has mostly ended – there’s a tiny bit once in a while, but nothing like it was. I hope it stays that way.
Mostly… just waiting, and seeing.
